Post by Eden on Oct 25, 2020 19:36:08 GMT -5
John Blade
It was Omar this time? Nice.
Sarah Lynn
Sarah Lynn's frustration here-- I hear ya, sister. Things kinda went awry with the Warden sick and her staff trying to book in her stead, but your win last week wasn't forgotten and you'll show 'em this week too! Writingwise, the effort more than stacks up to the competition. It'll be interesting to see how her playing field opens up after Shogun/Grindhouse.
Abby Evans
A very basic bit thrown out there, but Ace has been noshowing his matches, and I understand the writer might've wanted to redirect the heft of their attention to the match we would've thought opponents would've shown for. Noshowed twice on the same card sucks, hopefully there'll be a roster cleanup and fresh landscape post Shogun/Grindhouse. Was glad the Romanian was back. Not sure why that touch specific was likeable, even though it doubles the dialogue's footprint kinda artificially, but heck, there's something to be said for originality in the game.
Mad Dog
We're reaching the end of Shogun, and no one is more fatigued of it than me. Mad Dog, on the other hand, takes this final stretch of the race and manages to channel his opponent's entrance music into an entire promo theme that's perfect in tone at this juncture. Because he's not a frontrunner, but he's not out of the race either-- it's grind and determination and some kind of luck that'd get it done for him. More than just Shogun, but 2020 itself feels like it needed this promo.
Giant Tiger
It... hn... hmm. At 430 words, you got your point across. It's kind of like the framework of something that could be more fleshed out, though. I know some people are writing on phones or other devices, but if that's the case then Google Docs/Drive is available in app form, which would allow you to come back to your first draft with fresh eyes and let you fill out your description and such? I would like to see Tiger Towers become more of a thing. Maybe they'll have more room to fly in the tag division after Shogun.
Phantom
Damn. Like. I'm writing this right now not knowing the actual outcome yet and feel suspense on it. Gary swung for the fences this week. I'm honored. Spinning in circles like a top at the idea of having to do another round of Shogun matches to get us to that damn pay per view if he beat me, but honored. It'd be worth it.
Levi Tsingine
Can you feel the struggle in this? I struggled really hard with certain sections. No big, my dumb ass just basing large parts of the character's background in a philosophy that is by definition beyond words and then trying to fucking write it out when he's met head-on by the closest thing to a similar character in the fed. It's literally my own writing hole to have dug, but I mean, it's worth it for the character and how impeccably he clicked with his partner.
Tora Nishida
Where has Travis Levitt gone? Not even Chris Matthews knows, but Tora has taken this opportunity of airtime to express his thoughts and feelings about his rivals and current booking practices. He, like Sarah Lynn, senses something amiss in the card the Warden called in sick for. But being that it's an Asylum, a little weirdness is absorbed by the setting. Seriously, this was a good gohome effort to build the feud while also not ignoring the tournament's in-character implications and position, given that we more or less knew there wouldn't be competition. I'm so excited to see this thing finally come together!
Elijah Copeland
To take a slightly more personal tone here... I'll have you know I like, gathered myself mentally before I opened this thread, knowing you two were gonna have a knock-down drag-out before I read a word. I actually skipped over this match in my usual order and then doubled back when I felt more ready to referee something more akin to a main event level intensity. Naturally, you came to play. There was a bit of telling us instead of showing us-- or maybe rather, telling us and then showing us-- with the setup to the flashback scene, but this is wrestling themed, and pro wrestling does prefer to beat us over the head with its storytelling elements in terms of bluntness (and often repeatedly at that) so it might not be encourageable as an outside-world writing technique but it kinda fits the theme? There's a lot less switching tenses in this, which I really appreciated. It was a weird, surreal moment to give Elijah depth of character... and while I absolutely wouldn't want you to do this every week, as it'd kinda break the character from what he's meant to be... as a one-off done with the right opponent, it was a high-point to hit here and I felt it boosted his standings in the fed overall. More than enough to overlook a little clunkiness here and there, especially when I can feel how much effort went into this. Good job.
p.s. dear Elijah, V insisted that I tell you that you have impeccable taste in cars.
Aaron Jones
That whole opening love letter on Elijah's about how I had to fortify myself for a slobberknocker before I ever opened the thread? That goes for you too, buddy. This whole piece was An Adventure. I definitely got enjoyment out of Aaron's chapter of CD this round, though the implications of talking a cokehead into trying shrooms for the first time without preparing a space or anything-- oh boy-- I'm imagining Aaron trapped in a room for like five hours with this big ass guy narrating the experience of his third eye opening in a very loud, hamhanded, extroverted fashion. X) A side note, I've done a lot of research on drugs for writing V over the years, so if you would like a shorthand of what has what effects, do feel free to hit me up. I know this criminal is a new character for you, and the details of new characters take some time to grow. Now the on-cam promo part of this? AARON CAME FOR HIS WIG. As much as we've all been waiting for somebody to take Aaron to task for not taking wrestling seriously, we've also been waiting for somebody to aim this exact argument at Elijah of questioning what he's gotten on real talent and merit and what was a privilege afforded by his money. As of writing this, I can't even say who won. By the time it goes up, I'll have figured it out, but none of you should envy me the experience.
Mya Denton
You know what I appreciated about this? Mya worked the setting. That's one thing about Sanatorium: no matter how lost you might feel on the show, the setting gives you plenty around your character to write about (complain about, but by design), and she used the device of breaking in to the file room to kayfabe the info from their profiles. Gothica has done a little bit in recent times to find, but not a ton, and Zach's been flaking, so this was a bit more effort put into this piece. The opponents may have noshowed, but I appreciate it, which'll show up in rankings scores and future booking opportunities alike.
Christy Winters
I try not to put too much stock in formatting, but the Christy writings could use a little bit of love in that area. Picking either scriptstyle with the nametags for speech or standard and adding quotation marks around what's supposed to be spoken aloud would be a big jump up for this work. It'd let the reader stop thinking about what's supposed to be dialogue or what's narrative and immerse themselves in the story easier. On the content itself, though? The writer stepped up to the challenge of this match in a big time noticeable way. More attention paid to the opponents, more length on the piece overall, and we've got some hints dropped at future intrigue and plans for the future.
Chucky Ross
The possessed jester manages to deliver a succinct version of what a whole lot of people would like to tell Belladonna right about now, and it's a pity that she didn't show up this week with the attention graced to her here. The establishment of Chucky's frequent demon riders, if you will, continues here as well. The elaboration on the difference between a clown and a jester begs for just a little bit more than what was given to bring it into full relevance-- whose court is this jester in? Is it Eden's, or is it the Order of the Soulless's? The answer to that could be a really interesting twist big picture for him, given the power dynamic of the jester-- the lowest member, yet in a position to mock the highest with impunity under the guise of entertainment, basically.
Mike Lavicle
There are people who write about drugs in the manner of Aaron Jones, and then there are people who jump in headfirst and commit to capturing a full sensory experience. I should not feel this bad for Mike while giggling this much at the same time. What more could I have really asked for?
Hugh Merus
At "I'm sorry, Jon"... I had to stop and sideways faceplant myself on my couch and just take in the PERFECTION of this comedic scene. By the time I got to the end I was making terrible wheezing noises. To the writer: please never stop writing the Skellie Boys. :') even after Spoopy Season, just commit to a Nightmare Before Christmas, and we'll figure out how to spook up the world beyond that. This is genuinely something I'd bookmark in a folder reserved for bad days that's labeled Emergency Happy Stuff. (which is a practice I recommend btw.)
Lobos de la Muerte
Strategy! Fire! Anger! Internal conflict! Honestly, this had a lot going on for it. It left me jonesing for more of it, which is an up and a downside-- the writer could've potentially given me more here against the top-ranked tag team in the fed. That quibble aside, what was here? Was the most interesting thing I've seen from the Lobos yet.
Outsider
How does one do so much in such a small footprint wordcount-wise, and so loudly? The writing is like the artwork from this guy: everything's high-contrast, we don't play with subtlety here. Why do I see writing this good and want to rush headlong into a feud with it? I mean, I want to write against it on one of my good days, but Gabe's on his game every card. I envy, benignly.
Jonathan Edwards
The opening here echoes Copeland's, where it's telling us via almost this narrator's voice what's up in the character's head. It's not the best device to get used to using, but it IS getting a job done, and that's giving depth to the character that benefits them. Another person to detect the slight oddness of the card, but don't you worry, Jonny Boy, you've still got your Demolition shot coming up. Even if I think I totally forgot to write the seg that officially acknowledged it yes I forgot that gawd sigh. And here we have another character with the last name Reno? HM. My inner reader voice is screaming at Edwards to not trust him. Another thing similar to Copeland's is a bit more backstory added to flesh the character out. That could be built on going into the pay per views too.
KiKi Katharsies
Gaw. Seeing KiKi alive like this, man. This has been a RIDE. And it's still going. Selling Reno's work as short films is certainly a good way to go about it, too. You know what I love about this struggle between the two Katharsieses? It could explain all kinds of ups and downs and sideways twists from results.
Top Fiveish Scoring Promos of the Card
Hugh Merus
Lobos de la Muerte
Outsider
Mad Dog
Tora Nishida
Elijah Copeland
Top Ten Overall Rankings
Kiera Katharsies
V
Christy Winters
Jonathan Edwards
Hugh Merus
Elijah Copeland
Levi Tsingine
Tora Nishida
Chucky Ross
Mike Lavicle
It was Omar this time? Nice.
Sarah Lynn
Sarah Lynn's frustration here-- I hear ya, sister. Things kinda went awry with the Warden sick and her staff trying to book in her stead, but your win last week wasn't forgotten and you'll show 'em this week too! Writingwise, the effort more than stacks up to the competition. It'll be interesting to see how her playing field opens up after Shogun/Grindhouse.
Abby Evans
A very basic bit thrown out there, but Ace has been noshowing his matches, and I understand the writer might've wanted to redirect the heft of their attention to the match we would've thought opponents would've shown for. Noshowed twice on the same card sucks, hopefully there'll be a roster cleanup and fresh landscape post Shogun/Grindhouse. Was glad the Romanian was back. Not sure why that touch specific was likeable, even though it doubles the dialogue's footprint kinda artificially, but heck, there's something to be said for originality in the game.
Mad Dog
We're reaching the end of Shogun, and no one is more fatigued of it than me. Mad Dog, on the other hand, takes this final stretch of the race and manages to channel his opponent's entrance music into an entire promo theme that's perfect in tone at this juncture. Because he's not a frontrunner, but he's not out of the race either-- it's grind and determination and some kind of luck that'd get it done for him. More than just Shogun, but 2020 itself feels like it needed this promo.
Giant Tiger
It... hn... hmm. At 430 words, you got your point across. It's kind of like the framework of something that could be more fleshed out, though. I know some people are writing on phones or other devices, but if that's the case then Google Docs/Drive is available in app form, which would allow you to come back to your first draft with fresh eyes and let you fill out your description and such? I would like to see Tiger Towers become more of a thing. Maybe they'll have more room to fly in the tag division after Shogun.
Phantom
Damn. Like. I'm writing this right now not knowing the actual outcome yet and feel suspense on it. Gary swung for the fences this week. I'm honored. Spinning in circles like a top at the idea of having to do another round of Shogun matches to get us to that damn pay per view if he beat me, but honored. It'd be worth it.
Levi Tsingine
Can you feel the struggle in this? I struggled really hard with certain sections. No big, my dumb ass just basing large parts of the character's background in a philosophy that is by definition beyond words and then trying to fucking write it out when he's met head-on by the closest thing to a similar character in the fed. It's literally my own writing hole to have dug, but I mean, it's worth it for the character and how impeccably he clicked with his partner.
Tora Nishida
Where has Travis Levitt gone? Not even Chris Matthews knows, but Tora has taken this opportunity of airtime to express his thoughts and feelings about his rivals and current booking practices. He, like Sarah Lynn, senses something amiss in the card the Warden called in sick for. But being that it's an Asylum, a little weirdness is absorbed by the setting. Seriously, this was a good gohome effort to build the feud while also not ignoring the tournament's in-character implications and position, given that we more or less knew there wouldn't be competition. I'm so excited to see this thing finally come together!
Elijah Copeland
To take a slightly more personal tone here... I'll have you know I like, gathered myself mentally before I opened this thread, knowing you two were gonna have a knock-down drag-out before I read a word. I actually skipped over this match in my usual order and then doubled back when I felt more ready to referee something more akin to a main event level intensity. Naturally, you came to play. There was a bit of telling us instead of showing us-- or maybe rather, telling us and then showing us-- with the setup to the flashback scene, but this is wrestling themed, and pro wrestling does prefer to beat us over the head with its storytelling elements in terms of bluntness (and often repeatedly at that) so it might not be encourageable as an outside-world writing technique but it kinda fits the theme? There's a lot less switching tenses in this, which I really appreciated. It was a weird, surreal moment to give Elijah depth of character... and while I absolutely wouldn't want you to do this every week, as it'd kinda break the character from what he's meant to be... as a one-off done with the right opponent, it was a high-point to hit here and I felt it boosted his standings in the fed overall. More than enough to overlook a little clunkiness here and there, especially when I can feel how much effort went into this. Good job.
p.s. dear Elijah, V insisted that I tell you that you have impeccable taste in cars.
Aaron Jones
That whole opening love letter on Elijah's about how I had to fortify myself for a slobberknocker before I ever opened the thread? That goes for you too, buddy. This whole piece was An Adventure. I definitely got enjoyment out of Aaron's chapter of CD this round, though the implications of talking a cokehead into trying shrooms for the first time without preparing a space or anything-- oh boy-- I'm imagining Aaron trapped in a room for like five hours with this big ass guy narrating the experience of his third eye opening in a very loud, hamhanded, extroverted fashion. X) A side note, I've done a lot of research on drugs for writing V over the years, so if you would like a shorthand of what has what effects, do feel free to hit me up. I know this criminal is a new character for you, and the details of new characters take some time to grow. Now the on-cam promo part of this? AARON CAME FOR HIS WIG. As much as we've all been waiting for somebody to take Aaron to task for not taking wrestling seriously, we've also been waiting for somebody to aim this exact argument at Elijah of questioning what he's gotten on real talent and merit and what was a privilege afforded by his money. As of writing this, I can't even say who won. By the time it goes up, I'll have figured it out, but none of you should envy me the experience.
Mya Denton
You know what I appreciated about this? Mya worked the setting. That's one thing about Sanatorium: no matter how lost you might feel on the show, the setting gives you plenty around your character to write about (complain about, but by design), and she used the device of breaking in to the file room to kayfabe the info from their profiles. Gothica has done a little bit in recent times to find, but not a ton, and Zach's been flaking, so this was a bit more effort put into this piece. The opponents may have noshowed, but I appreciate it, which'll show up in rankings scores and future booking opportunities alike.
Christy Winters
I try not to put too much stock in formatting, but the Christy writings could use a little bit of love in that area. Picking either scriptstyle with the nametags for speech or standard and adding quotation marks around what's supposed to be spoken aloud would be a big jump up for this work. It'd let the reader stop thinking about what's supposed to be dialogue or what's narrative and immerse themselves in the story easier. On the content itself, though? The writer stepped up to the challenge of this match in a big time noticeable way. More attention paid to the opponents, more length on the piece overall, and we've got some hints dropped at future intrigue and plans for the future.
Chucky Ross
The possessed jester manages to deliver a succinct version of what a whole lot of people would like to tell Belladonna right about now, and it's a pity that she didn't show up this week with the attention graced to her here. The establishment of Chucky's frequent demon riders, if you will, continues here as well. The elaboration on the difference between a clown and a jester begs for just a little bit more than what was given to bring it into full relevance-- whose court is this jester in? Is it Eden's, or is it the Order of the Soulless's? The answer to that could be a really interesting twist big picture for him, given the power dynamic of the jester-- the lowest member, yet in a position to mock the highest with impunity under the guise of entertainment, basically.
Mike Lavicle
There are people who write about drugs in the manner of Aaron Jones, and then there are people who jump in headfirst and commit to capturing a full sensory experience. I should not feel this bad for Mike while giggling this much at the same time. What more could I have really asked for?
Hugh Merus
At "I'm sorry, Jon"... I had to stop and sideways faceplant myself on my couch and just take in the PERFECTION of this comedic scene. By the time I got to the end I was making terrible wheezing noises. To the writer: please never stop writing the Skellie Boys. :') even after Spoopy Season, just commit to a Nightmare Before Christmas, and we'll figure out how to spook up the world beyond that. This is genuinely something I'd bookmark in a folder reserved for bad days that's labeled Emergency Happy Stuff. (which is a practice I recommend btw.)
Lobos de la Muerte
Strategy! Fire! Anger! Internal conflict! Honestly, this had a lot going on for it. It left me jonesing for more of it, which is an up and a downside-- the writer could've potentially given me more here against the top-ranked tag team in the fed. That quibble aside, what was here? Was the most interesting thing I've seen from the Lobos yet.
Outsider
How does one do so much in such a small footprint wordcount-wise, and so loudly? The writing is like the artwork from this guy: everything's high-contrast, we don't play with subtlety here. Why do I see writing this good and want to rush headlong into a feud with it? I mean, I want to write against it on one of my good days, but Gabe's on his game every card. I envy, benignly.
Jonathan Edwards
The opening here echoes Copeland's, where it's telling us via almost this narrator's voice what's up in the character's head. It's not the best device to get used to using, but it IS getting a job done, and that's giving depth to the character that benefits them. Another person to detect the slight oddness of the card, but don't you worry, Jonny Boy, you've still got your Demolition shot coming up. Even if I think I totally forgot to write the seg that officially acknowledged it yes I forgot that gawd sigh. And here we have another character with the last name Reno? HM. My inner reader voice is screaming at Edwards to not trust him. Another thing similar to Copeland's is a bit more backstory added to flesh the character out. That could be built on going into the pay per views too.
KiKi Katharsies
Gaw. Seeing KiKi alive like this, man. This has been a RIDE. And it's still going. Selling Reno's work as short films is certainly a good way to go about it, too. You know what I love about this struggle between the two Katharsieses? It could explain all kinds of ups and downs and sideways twists from results.
Top Fiveish Scoring Promos of the Card
Hugh Merus
Lobos de la Muerte
Outsider
Mad Dog
Tora Nishida
Elijah Copeland
Top Ten Overall Rankings
Kiera Katharsies
V
Christy Winters
Jonathan Edwards
Hugh Merus
Elijah Copeland
Levi Tsingine
Tora Nishida
Chucky Ross
Mike Lavicle