Forbidden Fruit #6: Dystopia 10/25/2020
Nov 13, 2020 23:12:26 GMT -5
Renée Jonae and Jonny Cedrone like this
Post by Eden on Nov 13, 2020 23:12:26 GMT -5
I'm a bit short on words this round, apologies.
Latoya Hixx
First Omar, now Faith? The writer is getting adventurous from their norm.
Zolton
Z uses this space versus Hixx to take stock of where the tournament is. Solid as it needs to be.
Victoria Lyons
And she comes out like a lion. This one had a much higher sense of purpose and focus on Victoria herself, while taking in relevance to not just her own and her opponent's line but fed-wide lines. Deserved a win better than a noshow one.
Sah'ta Thor
Demetrius Lane
BAWWWW GODZILLA. I felt for him. Less description and lushness than previously, but still good. Not some of the greatness prior achieved, but good. Hoping the feels are only IC ones.
Becca Wideline
This round for me was me slowly clambering back aboard the Beast story after it just straight up breaking me. I feel like I was greeted by something that put me in a place of needing to iWait And See Where This Goes. I'm shaky, but I'm back on board. Becca argues her position well, it's just unfortunate she's up against the number one ranked Dystopia wrestler for this.
Renee Jonae
Renee just keeps the hits coming, one of the few I've seen able to launch a savage attack while keeping things 100% babyface. I'm still enjoying this series and character. It doesn't get old. Seamlessness.
Lilith Evans
Oh. Um. You realize there's a minimum wordcount on these, right? I mean, good stuff, for what was here.
Mercedes Vargas
*Stands, applauding* This feels like Vargas' coming-out party in the way that last card was Zolton's. I feel like I get the character with this promo. Not only is the flow on point and the sense of identity in the character high like in the last one, but this time? This time she's done the work to get back in the mix of what's going on in the fed with some research on Lilith. Would've beat much tougher work, definitely earns her a good place amongst the top promos this week.
Maggie McIntyre
These two are a perfect pair, and this week it's match-relevant! Can't wait to make them a tag team proper.
Thomas Bane
We go from a de Sade quote to strange protestation of the writer's requested run-in, to a... rather dry dismantling of Maggie as arrogant. The dryness suits the character, I think. But the question I'm left with is... while I'm sat back here marveling as a man who entered the company by jumping the number one contenders proceeds to take on his very first match in the company by calling his undefeated-since-her-debut-in-August opponent ARROGANT for taking the seemingly default stance in a pro wrestling promo that they're gonna win... see, the projection of his own quality onto his opponent is Heel Heat 101 that's too often neglected in efedding as a nuance, and it's working, I'm just left wondering if I'm chuckling along with the writer at an intended joke or not? Is the de Sade quote a hint? Aside from naming sadism he WAS like the definition of arrogance, I mean. This thought hole I'm in is getting pretty deep, can somebody throw me a rope?
Chris Matthews
Your blue color is too close to the board background. I'd suggest, once again, that you lighten it-- because every time you do this, I have to neutralize all your color coding to read it. Content > Prettiness. "You know, deep down, that you can handle the things that I bring." Your typo here just castrated your intent. All in all, this piece felt clunky to me and didn't click this round. (aside: Chris saying he doesn't care what's in the box made my inner Angelica go "FINE THEN, I'LL MAKE IT A BOX OF BEES. BEES!" Which is in itself effectively a heel heat reaction so at least there's that.)
Jonna Austin
Another strong entry from Jonna this round. When some people use bits referencing another fed's events sometimes it can be easy to lose a reader, but this was undemanding and easy to follow, simply a setting to show us where Jonna is this week going into her match.
Mike Mason
Mike Mason, I hate you. A+ heeling. Though I'm wondering if we're going to run out of flashbacks?
Jonny Cedrone
The butler's blue color is a tad hard to read. Oh Jonny, seeing Havoc everywhere, take care you don't end up in Sanatorium! This round had Jonny feeling like he had sliiiightly less teeth than Mason did, but that doesn't mean he won't be all fangs bared when it's Matsuda time.
Vincent Lyons Jr
Notes from judge: Refreshing stuff. it was nice seeing someone else bring something to the dinner table other than stale dinner rolls.
Notes from Eden: Vincent going over Nikki here felt right for both stories, but the writing earned it in its own.
Nikki Caldwell
If you're wondering what I'm doing here? I'm telling a story. This is leading up to something that's been in the works since Nikki jumped to Dystopia.
Havoc
I go into this wondering if Havoc is spreading himself too thin and if he's giving WWH enough love to retain his storylines. He shuts these questions down immediately by SELLING. This main event is big enough that honestly I wondered if I should book it-- it's way too big for a weekly, really. But they have contenders to all four of their titles lined up for Shogun, and if I waited for after Shogun I might not have two double champions still-- it was now or never, basically. For a big ass main event, Havoc showed up in spades.
Stephanie Matsuda
Havoc brought the fire and energy, but know what Matsuda had here? Pacing and nuance. It made Havoc's piece feel by comparison like he was lobbing bricks at the reader's head. Matsuda and Havoc have something in common as well: despite rping in multiple promotions, they keep up well enough with their storylines in this company and really bring it when it's time to do so.
Top Five(ish) Promos Of The Card
Josh Kaine, Renee Jonae, Stephanie Matsuda, Godzilla, Maggie McIntyre.
Top Ten Rankings
1 Renee Jonae
2 Stephanie Matsuda
3 Josh Kaine
4 Demetrius Lane
5 Jonny Cedrone
6 Mark Wright
7 Chris Matthews
8 Viincent Lyons
9 Victoria Lyons
10 Zolton
Latoya Hixx
First Omar, now Faith? The writer is getting adventurous from their norm.
Zolton
Z uses this space versus Hixx to take stock of where the tournament is. Solid as it needs to be.
Victoria Lyons
And she comes out like a lion. This one had a much higher sense of purpose and focus on Victoria herself, while taking in relevance to not just her own and her opponent's line but fed-wide lines. Deserved a win better than a noshow one.
Sah'ta Thor
Demetrius Lane
BAWWWW GODZILLA. I felt for him. Less description and lushness than previously, but still good. Not some of the greatness prior achieved, but good. Hoping the feels are only IC ones.
Becca Wideline
This round for me was me slowly clambering back aboard the Beast story after it just straight up breaking me. I feel like I was greeted by something that put me in a place of needing to iWait And See Where This Goes. I'm shaky, but I'm back on board. Becca argues her position well, it's just unfortunate she's up against the number one ranked Dystopia wrestler for this.
Renee Jonae
Renee just keeps the hits coming, one of the few I've seen able to launch a savage attack while keeping things 100% babyface. I'm still enjoying this series and character. It doesn't get old. Seamlessness.
Lilith Evans
Oh. Um. You realize there's a minimum wordcount on these, right? I mean, good stuff, for what was here.
Mercedes Vargas
*Stands, applauding* This feels like Vargas' coming-out party in the way that last card was Zolton's. I feel like I get the character with this promo. Not only is the flow on point and the sense of identity in the character high like in the last one, but this time? This time she's done the work to get back in the mix of what's going on in the fed with some research on Lilith. Would've beat much tougher work, definitely earns her a good place amongst the top promos this week.
Maggie McIntyre
These two are a perfect pair, and this week it's match-relevant! Can't wait to make them a tag team proper.
Thomas Bane
We go from a de Sade quote to strange protestation of the writer's requested run-in, to a... rather dry dismantling of Maggie as arrogant. The dryness suits the character, I think. But the question I'm left with is... while I'm sat back here marveling as a man who entered the company by jumping the number one contenders proceeds to take on his very first match in the company by calling his undefeated-since-her-debut-in-August opponent ARROGANT for taking the seemingly default stance in a pro wrestling promo that they're gonna win... see, the projection of his own quality onto his opponent is Heel Heat 101 that's too often neglected in efedding as a nuance, and it's working, I'm just left wondering if I'm chuckling along with the writer at an intended joke or not? Is the de Sade quote a hint? Aside from naming sadism he WAS like the definition of arrogance, I mean. This thought hole I'm in is getting pretty deep, can somebody throw me a rope?
Chris Matthews
Your blue color is too close to the board background. I'd suggest, once again, that you lighten it-- because every time you do this, I have to neutralize all your color coding to read it. Content > Prettiness. "You know, deep down, that you can handle the things that I bring." Your typo here just castrated your intent. All in all, this piece felt clunky to me and didn't click this round. (aside: Chris saying he doesn't care what's in the box made my inner Angelica go "FINE THEN, I'LL MAKE IT A BOX OF BEES. BEES!" Which is in itself effectively a heel heat reaction so at least there's that.)
Jonna Austin
Another strong entry from Jonna this round. When some people use bits referencing another fed's events sometimes it can be easy to lose a reader, but this was undemanding and easy to follow, simply a setting to show us where Jonna is this week going into her match.
Mike Mason
Mike Mason, I hate you. A+ heeling. Though I'm wondering if we're going to run out of flashbacks?
Jonny Cedrone
The butler's blue color is a tad hard to read. Oh Jonny, seeing Havoc everywhere, take care you don't end up in Sanatorium! This round had Jonny feeling like he had sliiiightly less teeth than Mason did, but that doesn't mean he won't be all fangs bared when it's Matsuda time.
Vincent Lyons Jr
Notes from judge: Refreshing stuff. it was nice seeing someone else bring something to the dinner table other than stale dinner rolls.
Notes from Eden: Vincent going over Nikki here felt right for both stories, but the writing earned it in its own.
Nikki Caldwell
If you're wondering what I'm doing here? I'm telling a story. This is leading up to something that's been in the works since Nikki jumped to Dystopia.
Havoc
I go into this wondering if Havoc is spreading himself too thin and if he's giving WWH enough love to retain his storylines. He shuts these questions down immediately by SELLING. This main event is big enough that honestly I wondered if I should book it-- it's way too big for a weekly, really. But they have contenders to all four of their titles lined up for Shogun, and if I waited for after Shogun I might not have two double champions still-- it was now or never, basically. For a big ass main event, Havoc showed up in spades.
Stephanie Matsuda
Havoc brought the fire and energy, but know what Matsuda had here? Pacing and nuance. It made Havoc's piece feel by comparison like he was lobbing bricks at the reader's head. Matsuda and Havoc have something in common as well: despite rping in multiple promotions, they keep up well enough with their storylines in this company and really bring it when it's time to do so.
Top Five(ish) Promos Of The Card
Josh Kaine, Renee Jonae, Stephanie Matsuda, Godzilla, Maggie McIntyre.
Top Ten Rankings
1 Renee Jonae
2 Stephanie Matsuda
3 Josh Kaine
4 Demetrius Lane
5 Jonny Cedrone
6 Mark Wright
7 Chris Matthews
8 Viincent Lyons
9 Victoria Lyons
10 Zolton