Post by Eden on Oct 8, 2020 21:00:15 GMT -5
Latoya Hixx:
Been over
Been over this before
Been over and over
Been over this before
And over
Been over this before
So over this
Been over this
So over this
Been over this
Over this before...
Sah'ta Thor
While Sah'ta Thor tends to steer away from the grand hyperbole and zingers that pro wrestling is famous for, I seldom if ever sit down to his stuff with that looming feeling of tediousness that could so easily take hold. He takes this point, knowing Hixx's predictable nature, to take stock of the tournament as a whole in a statistician type approach. Another nearly irreproachable entry from Thor.
Josh Kaine:
Some of you are perhaps wondering why Josh Kaine consistently pulls wins and Top Fives and busted onto the Rankings Top Three in the nav block too. You see storyline driven narrative that'd get cast aside in a lot of feds alongside an oncam style that isn't so traditionally ass-tearing and you wonder, perhaps. Allow me to enlighten you. One, Josh Kaine's writer plays his alignment, which profile aside is babyface, and doesn't get tempted to step outside of it and break the character just for the sake of having more freedom with quippy zingers and flashy shit; it's a handicap, but the consistency and uniqueness does pay off with an attentive and tenured judge. Two, there's another tradition, outside of ball-busting hyperboles, among the greats when it comes to wrestling promos: SELLING. Kaine is one of the few of you who really really does it, does it well, and this is perhaps the shiniest example of it since the character joined. Not only ought the work that the matchwriters put in for you guys have Consequences that show up in your work, but it's okay if your character sees the accomplishments of another and is wowed or intimidated by them. Granted with some of your arrogant heels, maybe that's only in their own head and expressed in narrative, or maybe given away by a slip of words or body language-- nuanced selling is a whole realm unto itself. Let me tell you a secret... you can't really have huge earth-destroying memorable main events without both guys getting built up going into the thing, especially not in efedding. If all you ever do is dismiss your opponent's strengths and accomplishments, you're telling us you only fight fools, so why should we pay attention! Mick Foley had a great breakdown of this in one of his autobios. Ahem. Thank you, Josh Kaine, for selling, and for giving me this soapbox opportunity. Good day, sir.
Renee Jonae:
Jesus Christ, Renee came for Josh's wig in this, pardon the colloquialism, but boy is gonna be leaving bald. I'm not sure I've seen her go whole HAM this intense since I've started judging with the changeover, and it's well structured too. Normally I'd say that the paragraphs could've been broken up a little as something to work on, but I do know that there was no extra room for nondialogue to help that along-- kind of like being served a big ass steak with very little sides or salad or dressings or sauce, really, so that steak better be capable of standing alone if you're going for this style. And this round, it was. I think I need to take a seat. *fans self*
Godzilla:
Another promo on this card that's practically perfect?! I sincerely hope none of you envy me this job. Like Thor, Demetrius takes this moment to overlook the Shogun as a whole, but his version of doing so is much more personal. And unlike a lot of the work so far on this card, the scene-setting and description work matches it in lushness. This one was truly a delight. A highlight of the card contender.
Zolton:
And here, Zolton arrives. Here we hit the serious shit, and I get a taste as to how he became a WWH legend. Very little in the way of distracting scenes of randomness that would probably add flavor and charm to the character if I'd gotten THIS first. But a reader's entry point to a character isn't always ideal, it is what it is. This is the piece where I can say Zolton actually clicked for me. I walked out of reading his opponent's going "what could actually beat this?" and Z had an answer waiting for me-- FIRE. Literal.
Victoria Lyons:
Okay.
You gotta snap out of it Victoria, you’re better than this, your smarter than this.
The first your/you're of this was done correctly and the second wasn't, which makes me go "what?", which breaks my immersion right out of the gate. Seemingly little things like this, things that sneak through despite the writer knowing better from a lack of proofreading or laziness or writing on non-ideal devices or whatever, serve as distractions that hamstring your flow. Now as for the heart of the piece? This argument is something I've been waiting for someone to pose, something that the character of Wideline being partnered with Mason begs to be asked. I buy into the character of Victoria here enough that I resent Shogun for locking me into this lottery style booking instead of structuring her an introduction where she might not have gotten stuck in this losing-streak frustration.
Becca Wideline:
I. Um. I know the writer was frustrated by Becca's lack of progress in the fed previously. I appreciate that maybe this was a way to add a little depth to the character. But if I try to outline the issue with slapping a rape backstory on a female character as a method of doing this, I'm just going to devolve into writing the 3-hour rant entitled But Could You Have Done Literally Anything Else that I've been trying to avoid. After reading this, I narrowly avoided hurling my very good keyboard out the window into the courtyard, passed this match off to someone else to judge, and then stopped judging entirely for the day because I couldn't continue writing this feedback column without a mental reboot to stop myself. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't "triggered"-- I was that level of frustrated.
Orianna Johnson:
Orianna's true redebut! There was a loving attention to detail here, both paid to the surroundings of the week and the other three opponents and their histories. It originally felt like a bit of a risk booking her in this match, since I hadn't really seen her rp and didn't have that booker's litmus test of where she could hang, but I was pleased with the showing.
Maggie McIntyre:
It's Spoopy Season in full swing with Maggie's rp this week. I enjoy these-- I guess it seems obvious to say I would since she's interacting with Levi in this scene, but I didn't write most of him in it, and another writer meeting my satisfaction level with my own character is a bar that most rpers don't have to hurdle. For the oncam portion, Maggie as a tweener has some of that aggression the writer dodges with Josh. And though it figured heavily on direct response, you can't deny the power in it.
Mercedes Vargas:
Beautifully written, though not much love given here to particulars of opponents or strategy; all Mercedes' attention is on herself and her confidence. Which is a tactic to take, but with a spotty track record it's maybe a more risky one than it'd be if she showed up consistently. Whether it's more research on her opponents or more consistent showing up to back up that rep, I think Mercy V could blossom again with a little bit more effort applied.
Jonna Austin:
The writer may not have had enough time to make the minimum wordcount, but as an opening the work doesn't slouch. Maybe better luck next card on the time she has to give.
Jonny Cedrone:
CEDRONE IN THE HOUSE! Seriously gotta say that reading this character is a highlight of my Dystopia weeks. He may not be the International Champion currently, but like Josh Kaine he is a King of Selling. This was no disappointment, managing to address Jonny's Big Storyline Things without neglecting Matthews in the process. Matthews did do more this week with his space, but that's no discredit to Jonny.
Chris Matthews:
A very different take on this match from Chris as compared to Jonny's. A few clunky spots where it feels like words were left out or a thought changed midsentence like
She just needed a job was a job.
and
As he said in a cock tone. The camera.
Not the biggest handicap, but when you're going against the likes of Cedrone, you need all your ducks in a row. Another thing is that it's proper grammar and good writing hygiene to start a new paragraph when you change speakers, colored dialogue or no colored dialogue. My part-blind self is also left wishing Chris' dialogue was at least as high-contrast (different from the board's background color) as the rest of stuff is. Quibbles aside, you know what was nice? Seeing the writer's skill at doing narrative channeled into what looks to be a real storyline! I mean, I can enjoy some relationship fluff as well as the next reader, but I'm a storyteller at heart, and I wanna see where this goes. I'm unsure about a possession storyline, but I could easily be proven wrong.
Vincent Lyons Jr.:
Sidenote, Vincent calling Nikki Havoc's ward made me think of her as a 1940s orphan and, like, wasn't Robin Bruce Wayne's ward? Havoc is only Batman in his own mind, though maybe their mental health pathologies share some patterns. Ahem. While Vincent has a more clear cut goal than his sister from his words, his work could benefit from more clear cut sentences and fewer comma-driven run-ons. The ending to the on-cam felt a little out of nowhere, and the work didn't blow me away, which would be fine most weeks... but this isn't most weeks, it's MATSUDA. I will say I like that his crosshairs are firmly on his goal, though.
Stephanie Matsuda:
Matsuda has been built to the point where I buy this angle of it being the Ashes versus the Revolutionaries versus MATSUDA. And unlike either of the other two groups, or even Cedrone, she's doing something to demonstrate that she's fighting for the people that's more than just lip service. It'd be nice to see a scene set in some of these projects of hers, rather than just an interview about them, though?
Jacob Striker & Uri Munami:
You know, I remember not long ago one of Striker's opponents having the slipping-on-a-banana-peel moment of confusing Jacob Striker with the ill-fated Jacob Knight in what would've been a fire rant otherwise. For me, this piece had that same moment with the... odd... assumption... that they'd be fighting Havoc and... Jada Blaire? Yawl know Nikki is in Ashes of the Wake, right? You mentioned her in there once in regards to her being a Champion, I mean. She's been in the Ashes' thumbnail in the nav block on top tag teams... of course, the Ashes were secondary to the raging inferno being hurled at Dynamic Duo here. The Soulless Sisters may be the tag champs, but the real soul of the division is between those two as I see it right now.
Nikki Caldwell:
Boy, I was tired writing this. But I inched my story forward while reacting to Josh, and managed to weave in match relevance too. Not the worst.
Dynamic Duo:
Like Jonna, didn't make the minimum wordcount this week... though I'm less sure why. I'm guessing limited time and a higher portion went to Matsuda. But it did serve as an additional platform for the three-way stable wars Matsuda's asserting as being the reality of Dystopia.
Top Five Scoring Promos of the Card
Fiveish. Always count on ties.
Renee Jonae, Josh Kaine, Zolton, Sah'ta Thor, Godzilla, Maggie McIntyre, Chris Matthews, Stephanie Matsuda.
Top Ten Rankings
Based on average scores since August plus a carryover score from an older rankings system.
1. Renee Jonae
2. Stephanie Matsuda
3. Josh Kaine
4. "Godzilla" Demetrius Lane
5. Jonny Cedrone
6. "Mad Dog" Mark Wright
7. Chris Matthews
8. Sah'ta Thor
9. Lilith Evans
10. Blake Anderson & Viincent Lyons
Been over
Been over this before
Been over and over
Been over this before
And over
Been over this before
So over this
Been over this
So over this
Been over this
Over this before...
Sah'ta Thor
While Sah'ta Thor tends to steer away from the grand hyperbole and zingers that pro wrestling is famous for, I seldom if ever sit down to his stuff with that looming feeling of tediousness that could so easily take hold. He takes this point, knowing Hixx's predictable nature, to take stock of the tournament as a whole in a statistician type approach. Another nearly irreproachable entry from Thor.
Josh Kaine:
Some of you are perhaps wondering why Josh Kaine consistently pulls wins and Top Fives and busted onto the Rankings Top Three in the nav block too. You see storyline driven narrative that'd get cast aside in a lot of feds alongside an oncam style that isn't so traditionally ass-tearing and you wonder, perhaps. Allow me to enlighten you. One, Josh Kaine's writer plays his alignment, which profile aside is babyface, and doesn't get tempted to step outside of it and break the character just for the sake of having more freedom with quippy zingers and flashy shit; it's a handicap, but the consistency and uniqueness does pay off with an attentive and tenured judge. Two, there's another tradition, outside of ball-busting hyperboles, among the greats when it comes to wrestling promos: SELLING. Kaine is one of the few of you who really really does it, does it well, and this is perhaps the shiniest example of it since the character joined. Not only ought the work that the matchwriters put in for you guys have Consequences that show up in your work, but it's okay if your character sees the accomplishments of another and is wowed or intimidated by them. Granted with some of your arrogant heels, maybe that's only in their own head and expressed in narrative, or maybe given away by a slip of words or body language-- nuanced selling is a whole realm unto itself. Let me tell you a secret... you can't really have huge earth-destroying memorable main events without both guys getting built up going into the thing, especially not in efedding. If all you ever do is dismiss your opponent's strengths and accomplishments, you're telling us you only fight fools, so why should we pay attention! Mick Foley had a great breakdown of this in one of his autobios. Ahem. Thank you, Josh Kaine, for selling, and for giving me this soapbox opportunity. Good day, sir.
Renee Jonae:
Jesus Christ, Renee came for Josh's wig in this, pardon the colloquialism, but boy is gonna be leaving bald. I'm not sure I've seen her go whole HAM this intense since I've started judging with the changeover, and it's well structured too. Normally I'd say that the paragraphs could've been broken up a little as something to work on, but I do know that there was no extra room for nondialogue to help that along-- kind of like being served a big ass steak with very little sides or salad or dressings or sauce, really, so that steak better be capable of standing alone if you're going for this style. And this round, it was. I think I need to take a seat. *fans self*
Godzilla:
Another promo on this card that's practically perfect?! I sincerely hope none of you envy me this job. Like Thor, Demetrius takes this moment to overlook the Shogun as a whole, but his version of doing so is much more personal. And unlike a lot of the work so far on this card, the scene-setting and description work matches it in lushness. This one was truly a delight. A highlight of the card contender.
Zolton:
And here, Zolton arrives. Here we hit the serious shit, and I get a taste as to how he became a WWH legend. Very little in the way of distracting scenes of randomness that would probably add flavor and charm to the character if I'd gotten THIS first. But a reader's entry point to a character isn't always ideal, it is what it is. This is the piece where I can say Zolton actually clicked for me. I walked out of reading his opponent's going "what could actually beat this?" and Z had an answer waiting for me-- FIRE. Literal.
Victoria Lyons:
Okay.
You gotta snap out of it Victoria, you’re better than this, your smarter than this.
The first your/you're of this was done correctly and the second wasn't, which makes me go "what?", which breaks my immersion right out of the gate. Seemingly little things like this, things that sneak through despite the writer knowing better from a lack of proofreading or laziness or writing on non-ideal devices or whatever, serve as distractions that hamstring your flow. Now as for the heart of the piece? This argument is something I've been waiting for someone to pose, something that the character of Wideline being partnered with Mason begs to be asked. I buy into the character of Victoria here enough that I resent Shogun for locking me into this lottery style booking instead of structuring her an introduction where she might not have gotten stuck in this losing-streak frustration.
Becca Wideline:
I. Um. I know the writer was frustrated by Becca's lack of progress in the fed previously. I appreciate that maybe this was a way to add a little depth to the character. But if I try to outline the issue with slapping a rape backstory on a female character as a method of doing this, I'm just going to devolve into writing the 3-hour rant entitled But Could You Have Done Literally Anything Else that I've been trying to avoid. After reading this, I narrowly avoided hurling my very good keyboard out the window into the courtyard, passed this match off to someone else to judge, and then stopped judging entirely for the day because I couldn't continue writing this feedback column without a mental reboot to stop myself. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't "triggered"-- I was that level of frustrated.
Orianna Johnson:
Orianna's true redebut! There was a loving attention to detail here, both paid to the surroundings of the week and the other three opponents and their histories. It originally felt like a bit of a risk booking her in this match, since I hadn't really seen her rp and didn't have that booker's litmus test of where she could hang, but I was pleased with the showing.
Maggie McIntyre:
It's Spoopy Season in full swing with Maggie's rp this week. I enjoy these-- I guess it seems obvious to say I would since she's interacting with Levi in this scene, but I didn't write most of him in it, and another writer meeting my satisfaction level with my own character is a bar that most rpers don't have to hurdle. For the oncam portion, Maggie as a tweener has some of that aggression the writer dodges with Josh. And though it figured heavily on direct response, you can't deny the power in it.
Mercedes Vargas:
Beautifully written, though not much love given here to particulars of opponents or strategy; all Mercedes' attention is on herself and her confidence. Which is a tactic to take, but with a spotty track record it's maybe a more risky one than it'd be if she showed up consistently. Whether it's more research on her opponents or more consistent showing up to back up that rep, I think Mercy V could blossom again with a little bit more effort applied.
Jonna Austin:
The writer may not have had enough time to make the minimum wordcount, but as an opening the work doesn't slouch. Maybe better luck next card on the time she has to give.
Jonny Cedrone:
CEDRONE IN THE HOUSE! Seriously gotta say that reading this character is a highlight of my Dystopia weeks. He may not be the International Champion currently, but like Josh Kaine he is a King of Selling. This was no disappointment, managing to address Jonny's Big Storyline Things without neglecting Matthews in the process. Matthews did do more this week with his space, but that's no discredit to Jonny.
Chris Matthews:
A very different take on this match from Chris as compared to Jonny's. A few clunky spots where it feels like words were left out or a thought changed midsentence like
She just needed a job was a job.
and
As he said in a cock tone. The camera.
Not the biggest handicap, but when you're going against the likes of Cedrone, you need all your ducks in a row. Another thing is that it's proper grammar and good writing hygiene to start a new paragraph when you change speakers, colored dialogue or no colored dialogue. My part-blind self is also left wishing Chris' dialogue was at least as high-contrast (different from the board's background color) as the rest of stuff is. Quibbles aside, you know what was nice? Seeing the writer's skill at doing narrative channeled into what looks to be a real storyline! I mean, I can enjoy some relationship fluff as well as the next reader, but I'm a storyteller at heart, and I wanna see where this goes. I'm unsure about a possession storyline, but I could easily be proven wrong.
Vincent Lyons Jr.:
Sidenote, Vincent calling Nikki Havoc's ward made me think of her as a 1940s orphan and, like, wasn't Robin Bruce Wayne's ward? Havoc is only Batman in his own mind, though maybe their mental health pathologies share some patterns. Ahem. While Vincent has a more clear cut goal than his sister from his words, his work could benefit from more clear cut sentences and fewer comma-driven run-ons. The ending to the on-cam felt a little out of nowhere, and the work didn't blow me away, which would be fine most weeks... but this isn't most weeks, it's MATSUDA. I will say I like that his crosshairs are firmly on his goal, though.
Stephanie Matsuda:
Matsuda has been built to the point where I buy this angle of it being the Ashes versus the Revolutionaries versus MATSUDA. And unlike either of the other two groups, or even Cedrone, she's doing something to demonstrate that she's fighting for the people that's more than just lip service. It'd be nice to see a scene set in some of these projects of hers, rather than just an interview about them, though?
Jacob Striker & Uri Munami:
You know, I remember not long ago one of Striker's opponents having the slipping-on-a-banana-peel moment of confusing Jacob Striker with the ill-fated Jacob Knight in what would've been a fire rant otherwise. For me, this piece had that same moment with the... odd... assumption... that they'd be fighting Havoc and... Jada Blaire? Yawl know Nikki is in Ashes of the Wake, right? You mentioned her in there once in regards to her being a Champion, I mean. She's been in the Ashes' thumbnail in the nav block on top tag teams... of course, the Ashes were secondary to the raging inferno being hurled at Dynamic Duo here. The Soulless Sisters may be the tag champs, but the real soul of the division is between those two as I see it right now.
Nikki Caldwell:
Boy, I was tired writing this. But I inched my story forward while reacting to Josh, and managed to weave in match relevance too. Not the worst.
Dynamic Duo:
Like Jonna, didn't make the minimum wordcount this week... though I'm less sure why. I'm guessing limited time and a higher portion went to Matsuda. But it did serve as an additional platform for the three-way stable wars Matsuda's asserting as being the reality of Dystopia.
Top Five Scoring Promos of the Card
Fiveish. Always count on ties.
Renee Jonae, Josh Kaine, Zolton, Sah'ta Thor, Godzilla, Maggie McIntyre, Chris Matthews, Stephanie Matsuda.
Top Ten Rankings
Based on average scores since August plus a carryover score from an older rankings system.
1. Renee Jonae
2. Stephanie Matsuda
3. Josh Kaine
4. "Godzilla" Demetrius Lane
5. Jonny Cedrone
6. "Mad Dog" Mark Wright
7. Chris Matthews
8. Sah'ta Thor
9. Lilith Evans
10. Blake Anderson & Viincent Lyons