Post by Eden on Oct 3, 2020 22:31:12 GMT -5
Gothica Skylight:
More disappointed than usual that Zach didn't show and give this a fair fight-- it's an improvement on the writer's previous efforts and deserved the celebration of winning on more merit than being the one who showed up. We got a bit of a window into the daily life of Gothica, the writer approached using the misery of it as material instead of rueing it, and we got an interview portion that fit the setting. One thing to work on: Maybe slow down and reread what's been written more carefully. Lines like Now, this Zach guy is a looney? So can I! and the double negative of I'm not afraid of no one! could use it.
Christy Winters:
High entertainment factor, enjoyed the brawl. Thing to work on: sentences are not minivans; explore more periods and fewer commas. My inner reader-voice got winded.
Sarah Lynn:
Good argument. Thing to work on: Flow. Could stand to borrow some commas from Christy, and perhaps break up the long paragraphs a little.
Hugh Merus:
Was very entertained by the theme of the dolls, though slightly crestfallen that there was no cameo from THE CAAAATS. The Necrosis will have to do. Hugh's not bad on his own, but he's definitely stronger as part of a unit.
Chucky Ross:
Could do with a good readthrough before posting. Sentences like
But you have faced someone like me before.
And that my dear boy makes the Joke's On You!
could use some restructure. And maybe deleting a few "Then"s at the beginning of sentences where they could stand without them just fine. Seeing the demons made for a more entertaining dynamic than them simply inhabiting and speaking through Ross, and the conversation lent itself to a stronger match strategy.
Mike Lavicle:
The more serious side of the Skeletons has his turn, and he has a message. Thing to work on: Do I have to? Okay, I guess that narrative paragraph near the beginning could've been less chonky. Not the apex of the writer's work, but understandable given the conditions of irl.
Jonathan Edwards:
Quite good despite being written on a phone. The writer favors Elijah, but to me, Edwards consistently comes across stronger and tighter written. Something to work on: and this is across the writer's work, all characters and matchwriting alike-- sticking to the same tense. Things like He walks forward as the rain continued to pour. and He lowered his hands and llooks at the camera. If you don't know what I mean there, come ask me and I'll give more thorough examples.
Elijah Copeland:
A tad repetitive, as Elijah promos can sometimes be, but it gave a really strong argument. One of the better I've seen from the character.
Abby Evans:
Was missing the Romanian, and that it was half lyrics when going against the Demolition Champion. Almost a face promo in tone; wondering if that's a new direction or a one time deviation.
Tora Nishida:
Nice sense of continuity for his storyline with Ross and Edwards. Not long, but didn't need to be, especially when it's all his own with no filler. Haven't got a chance to say till now, but the introduction of the Lobos as working with Nishida is interesting.
Mad Dog:
This is how you use a loss, or one way to, for sure. One thing I particularly noted was the use of supporting cast with their own viewpoints to contrast off Mad Dog's. A+.
Phantom:
One of the better efforts I've seen from Phantom-- the moment where he seemed to get genuinely angry was a highlight.
Top Five Scoring Promos of the Card:
Or more, accounting for ties.
Mad Dog, Outsider, Hugh Merus, Mike Lavicle, Jonathan Edwards, Levi Tsingine.
Top Ten Rankings
Based on a cumulative average of scores on matches booked since August, along with a carryover score from an older rankings system.
More disappointed than usual that Zach didn't show and give this a fair fight-- it's an improvement on the writer's previous efforts and deserved the celebration of winning on more merit than being the one who showed up. We got a bit of a window into the daily life of Gothica, the writer approached using the misery of it as material instead of rueing it, and we got an interview portion that fit the setting. One thing to work on: Maybe slow down and reread what's been written more carefully. Lines like Now, this Zach guy is a looney? So can I! and the double negative of I'm not afraid of no one! could use it.
Christy Winters:
High entertainment factor, enjoyed the brawl. Thing to work on: sentences are not minivans; explore more periods and fewer commas. My inner reader-voice got winded.
Sarah Lynn:
Good argument. Thing to work on: Flow. Could stand to borrow some commas from Christy, and perhaps break up the long paragraphs a little.
Hugh Merus:
Was very entertained by the theme of the dolls, though slightly crestfallen that there was no cameo from THE CAAAATS. The Necrosis will have to do. Hugh's not bad on his own, but he's definitely stronger as part of a unit.
Chucky Ross:
Could do with a good readthrough before posting. Sentences like
But you have faced someone like me before.
And that my dear boy makes the Joke's On You!
could use some restructure. And maybe deleting a few "Then"s at the beginning of sentences where they could stand without them just fine. Seeing the demons made for a more entertaining dynamic than them simply inhabiting and speaking through Ross, and the conversation lent itself to a stronger match strategy.
Mike Lavicle:
The more serious side of the Skeletons has his turn, and he has a message. Thing to work on: Do I have to? Okay, I guess that narrative paragraph near the beginning could've been less chonky. Not the apex of the writer's work, but understandable given the conditions of irl.
Jonathan Edwards:
Quite good despite being written on a phone. The writer favors Elijah, but to me, Edwards consistently comes across stronger and tighter written. Something to work on: and this is across the writer's work, all characters and matchwriting alike-- sticking to the same tense. Things like He walks forward as the rain continued to pour. and He lowered his hands and llooks at the camera. If you don't know what I mean there, come ask me and I'll give more thorough examples.
Elijah Copeland:
A tad repetitive, as Elijah promos can sometimes be, but it gave a really strong argument. One of the better I've seen from the character.
Abby Evans:
Was missing the Romanian, and that it was half lyrics when going against the Demolition Champion. Almost a face promo in tone; wondering if that's a new direction or a one time deviation.
Tora Nishida:
Nice sense of continuity for his storyline with Ross and Edwards. Not long, but didn't need to be, especially when it's all his own with no filler. Haven't got a chance to say till now, but the introduction of the Lobos as working with Nishida is interesting.
Mad Dog:
This is how you use a loss, or one way to, for sure. One thing I particularly noted was the use of supporting cast with their own viewpoints to contrast off Mad Dog's. A+.
Phantom:
One of the better efforts I've seen from Phantom-- the moment where he seemed to get genuinely angry was a highlight.
Top Five Scoring Promos of the Card:
Or more, accounting for ties.
Mad Dog, Outsider, Hugh Merus, Mike Lavicle, Jonathan Edwards, Levi Tsingine.
Top Ten Rankings
Based on a cumulative average of scores on matches booked since August, along with a carryover score from an older rankings system.
- V
- Kiera Katharsies
- Christy Winters
- Jonathan Edwards
- Chucky Ross
- Levi Tsingine
- Elijah Copeland
- Hugh Merus & Mike Lavicle
- Tora Nishida
- Aaron Jones