It was the fifth time this week she’d paced back and forth in the living room of the TAFKAB with his damn chickenscratch note in her hand. She knew his handwriting. She even knew that he’d been the one to call Roo away--only for her to return wearing an old Cerberus shirt. His stupid fuckin’ face stoked that raging inferno in her. Seeing him get that win over the Lyoness and his obvious confusion when Nikki had gone out to ringside was enough to get the ball back in her court. He’d been taunting her for weeks, keeping his distance with good reason. Josh Kaine knew exactly what the Amazon was capable of.
Roo jumped down from the bed, going over to the sliding doors to scratch at the glass loudly enough to break Nikki from her thoughts. The French mastiff needed to go do her business. Nikki opened the door for her and watched her bound out down the deck and--
No.
She watched Roo run happily to
him, her tail wagging as though it was Christmas morning. He bent down, grinning like an idiot as the massive dog gave him kisses all over his cheek. Josh noticed her step out onto the deck of the houseboat, the note crumpled in her fist deathly still with what could only be anger. He heaved a sigh--knowing if this went poorly, he was in for some punishment and if it went well, he was still in for some punishment. Josh took the initiative, closing most of the distance between them with Roo hot on his heels.
“Hey Nik.” He exhaled, licking his lips and looking off to the side before catching what could only be construed as a murderous gaze from her. His hands went up, trying to ask for a moment to speak before she rightfully lashed out at him again.
“Look, ‘fore you throw hands my way, just know, I ain’t here to fight or hurt ya or play some dumb game. I did you wrong in a bad way and you didn’t deserve none of that. Took a long while for me to realize what I’ve been doin’ lately and...fuck, you never was a chain holdin’ me back. You were the person who made me wanna be better.” There was nothing he could've said that would've struck her as speechless as she was right now.
"Josh... what am I even supposed to..." Arms were crossed defensively across her chest.
"I've been fucking furious because you hurt me. Just seeing you hurts." This conversation hurt.
"And it's either get mad, or cry about it, and who the hell do I have to go cry about that to? Who have I ever? Except you, briefly." She'd held eye contact with a glare that would've been more unnerving if it wasn't for the words coming out of her mouth, but now she dropped it.
"I needed you to be better."“You’re right, Nik. You did need me to be better and I fucked it up worse than anything I’ve ever fucked up before.” He kept his distance, kept his stance loose. Ready for whatever she wanted to lob at him when all he wanted to do was give her a goddamn hug. Josh hated that edge of pain in her voice.
“I’ve been workin’ to be. Workin’ real hard, but it wasn’t just for you. I needed to be better. I didn’t wanna be some sack of shit breakin’ hearts and hurtin’ people who don’t deserve it. Told my opponent this week that she’s gotta learn from her mistakes--I gotta learn from mine. Ain’t hiding who I am or where I come from. Seein’ you again at Baker Hotel party just sealed it for me.” A step forward, testing the waters. Josh had worked for this, not just for her...but for himself. He didn’t want to be the hurtful asshole his biological father had been. He didn’t want to be like his recovering alcoholic mother who didn’t know the good she had until it was almost too late. He was laying all this on the line in hopes that it wouldn’t blow up in his face.
“I hurt you real bad and I deserve whatever you throw at me, but I just--I wanted to tell you face to face that I’m real sorry. Been dancin’ around this a long time. Finally figured out that I was a big fuckin’ dumbass and you deserved better. I ain’t expectin’ forgiveness and I reckon I deserve a beatin’, but I realized that--that I got feelin’s that ain’t never gone away. That’s why I wrote ya that note and put Roo in that fuckin’ t-shirt, dancin’ around the truth. Ain’t dancin’ no more, just wanna tell you like a grown-ass man who grew the fuck up and needs to make amends.” The painful crease between her brows deepened as she listened to him, giving him the room to say his piece. And by the end, her hand had come up to her mouth and tears had freed themselves from her eyes, just a couple.
After all the games and cryptic messages, he'd just...
Tapped into what it was he really wanted in all this. Owned up to it all. Laid it all out. He'd done the hard self work. And some small part of her wanted to stay mad at him despite it, but.. that part lost. She didn't break the silence with words, it was something bigger-- crossing the dock to him and wrapping arms around him. It wasn't the passionate kiss of some romantical movie. She actually let out a sob as she buried her face against his shoulder instead.
A part of him tensed when she charged forward until he realized exactly what she was going to do. Josh wrapped tattooed arms around her and just held on. Like he’d been wanting to do since her Asylum title win celebration (
that also turned out to be his mother’s engagement party).
The tears were a surprise, he’d seen her turn her sadness and grief into anger on more than one occasion. It was easier that way for her, trust never came too freely with Nikki and he’d shattered what she gave him in the past. The realization of just how far he’d strayed from his intended path made him correct his course. He let his forehead rest against hers as he spoke up again.
“Realized somethin’ after the last fight with mom and pop in Lenoir. My mom reminded me that blood ain’t everything. I don’t gotta be a shitty person just ‘cause my blood kin is. I don’t gotta be a complete asshole to be successful.” Josh leaned back a moment, locking eyes with her and managed a small smile,
“I don’t gotta avoid my problems. I gotta try to fix what I fucked up.” He half-laughed when he felt the weight of the red mastiff lean against him before he pushed her off.
“Back off for a minute, will ya? I ain’t your leanin’ post. Tryin’ to make amends here.” Josh pulled her in tight then,
“I missed ya--but I wasn’t gonna play around no more. Didn’t even wanna show my face until I was sure that I could stand here and tell ya I’m sorry and mean it.” Nikki held on tight for a moment, and something warm had started filling that ache in her chest. And then? That was when she raised her head and caught him in a kiss, a little bit teary and a lot bit welcome-back. Josh didn’t hesitate. He returned the kiss, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks.
Why hadn’t he done this sooner? Why had he been so damn stupid. He broke the kiss after a long to come up for air.
He’d been welcomed back.
“You gonna be alright? Could sit a spell and talk if’n ya want, be nice to catch up.” She slipped a hand up to wipe her face.
"I don't even know what to say. You kinda blindsided me here." Roo leaned into them both again, and Nikki laughed under her breath despite herself.
"Somebody has something to say about this, apparently. Let's... all go inside and sit down, then? Was going to make a smoothie, there's enough stuff for two if you want one."“Yeah I did, but I didn’t know how else to do this. Wanted to make sure you were home and you could tell me no problem to fuck off if you didn’t wanna hear me out.” Josh glanced down to the massive dog, happily panting as her tail whacked him repeatedly. It was like getting hit with a tree branch.
“Could do with a smoothie, yeah.”He wiped at his own face—not realizing the emotion welling up until that moment and finally took a small step to get a better look at her. The mohawked man shook his head before following her onto the houseboat. They were in her kitchen area before he realized it and recognized the whirring of the blender. Roo came up next to him, leaning her back end against him. Josh absently-mindedly stroked her back before he spoke up. “You know, Ma always said of all her kids--you’d be the one to win a world title first. M’proud of ya, Nik.”
Fixing drinks right now might've seemed a little silly on some level, but there was something of habit in having something to thoughtfully sip in times like this and she wasn't on Lilah's virtuoso level with coffee.
"Doesn't have it in the name, like say Matsuda's, it's just the Sanatorium equivalent. Not that Sanatorium's any easier to compete on, really. You know, when that twit Ace Michaels interviewed me after winning it he said maybe someday I'd compete for the World Women's and I almost cackled in his face. I've never competed in an only women's division before ever, never even considered it." She glanced back over her shoulder at him until the noise of the blender stopped. He wasn't the only one who looked older than the last time they'd been together. There was some girlishness in her that hadn't quite survived the prison promotion.
He snorted, it had only been a couple of years since they’d met but he remembered that edge to her voice. It was how Nikki sounded when talking about his mother’s monster, Sahara...that certainty in her tone that no matter the odds or the cost, she would win.
“I’ve been tryin’ to catch up on all the competition here and I can’t say I’d ever even think about you in a women’s division. Between Mister Tarzan and Ma, you got enough training that you could take on Goliath and come out on top.” She sputtered in surprised laughter.
"Mister Tarzan." Leave it to respectful Josh Kaine to add a Mister to his mother's sexually-based pet name for her brother.
"Well, now I get to face him too, so just add Goliath to the mountain of nicknames." Probably in the minority of those that weren't sexual. The man had carved his way across promotions in sex just about as much as gold, leaving a suspicious white powder in his wake.
"But he's not in the shape that he once was. Even if he beat Sin. And Kiki Katharsies. And everybody else he faced in that god damned tournament." When she set the glass down, it was with a sharp heavy sound.
"If I want a prayer of beating him, I've gotta beat Matsuda this week, and that's a tall order in itself."“Anyone does stand a chance at beatin’ him, it’s you. I mean, maybe you and Ma, but she’d die in the process. You know how to hurt ‘im, inside and out--and like you said, he ain’t what he used to be.” He took the glass she’d put in front of him, taking a sip before he smiled.
“It’s real good. You’re real good too. You been the crazy-house champion this long--you was a champion before that for a while, right? I mean, I’m gettin’ good, but you are real good, Nik.” She shook her head.
"I should be focusing on Cloud, but fuck is it hard. How could he do this... it's selfish and self-righteous at the same time. And I should be able to keep pace with him, but I've been off since I moved to Dystopia. Everyone's sawing on about it being Havoc, but I'm not as convinced." She turned her glass thoughtfully on the counter, fruity goodness slowly softening in the last ebbs of the season of California heat.
"Maybe being thrown into the main event scene was more curse than blessing. And shit, I'm pretty sure talking me through my secret self-confidence issues is not what you pictured this reunion to be." “Nik, I didn’t have much in the way of expectations when I started talkin’. Hoped you’d accept my apology and we could talk. Prepared for a royal ass-beatin’.” He paused for a long moment, bringing a leg up under him as he shifted. A pull from the glass--the smoothie was sweet.
Josh raised an eyebrow.
“I mean, you take a while to adjust to stuff, but when you do...it’s the end times, Nik. You stumbled a bit in EWA when ya first started, but you ended up takin’ down Ma’s monster. I don’t relish the idea of ever bein’ the someone standin’ in your way again.”"With the games you were playing, it sure sounded like you did for a bit there." She sipped from her glass and eyed him with amusement and something more as she did so.
"Can I admit that grown-ass Hunter Josh was pretty hot now?"His smile turned to something more predatory.
“Sure ya can, long as I can admit I got a thing for the badass, gold-totin’ Amazons. Well, just one--only know one.” He pushed himself out of the booth.
“You wanna have a Cerberus reunion tonight minus one head?” How she managed to say the next with a straight face, she'd never know.
"Well... I'm sure there'll be plenty of head to go around."
You know what I've noticed? That some people are totally "Girl Power" and for females making their own choices, right up until some 'girl' makes a choice that they don't personally approve of. And I find it nothing but reminiscent of the very patriarchy it all claims to stand against. In trying to "save" me from Havoc, you're really trying to "save" me from my own decisions. And as much as I respect you as a warrior, Matsuda? I don't appreciate it.Though on the other hand, I have to remind myself that it'd be hypocritical to in turn criticize you for toting around a title that represents some "separate but equal" and debatably outdated gendered standard in wrestling. I'll try to refrain and simply say... that choice is not for me. But damned if you shouldn't be free to make it, I suppose. Same as I imagine you don't particularly envy me being queen of the madhouse, even if you apparently respect it to some degree.Sunday, September 20th. You versus me. I wish I could say I was undistracted by other concerns, but that wouldn't be truthful. I will say I'll leave it all in the ring with you, whichever way it goes.Be seeing you.